Cognitive Therapy
Fukae sensei, our aikido teacher in Japan, went out and bought a copy of my book, “Scripting Your Mind with REST, Rational Emotive Self-Talk.” (In Japanese) Right after reading it he told my wife it doesn’ help. I should have told him that reading a book on Cognitive Therapy – any therapy – won’t help. You are the only one who can help. Unfortunately, I did not tell him. My Japanese was poor.
Cognitive Therapy is rational thinking and rational thinking is in short supply. We are emotional creatures. We are irrational. We are ruled by a subcortical emotional brain that is much faster than thinking. Emotion is instantly accessible and packs a powerful punch.
As you read books by Albert Ellis or Aaron Beck, you likely may agree and feel it is helpful. Rational thinking is something you recognize as true. You could have come up with the same rational scripts, but your subcortical brain overpowered with emotion shuts down rational thinking.
Narrator
GIZZER!
The Narrator drones on in ominously inside of your head. It calls out weaknesses. It is out to destroy you. How do you counter your worst enemy who resides in the left hemisphere of your brain? The narrator offers up worst case scenarios. It triggers anger that morphs into rage. If anyone else were to drone on like that you would give them short shrift at best.
With unlimited finances, you might hire an on-call 24/7 trusted therapist. When the Narrator insists you are too fat, too thin, too masculine, too feminine — you can talk to your therapist or friend who will counter with rational thinking. That is if your therapist or friend is always rational. Most of us are not.
The rational friend/therapist will tell you to accept yourself unconditionally. But how can you accept yourself unconditionally when you can see a fat blob looking back in the mirror? How can you accept a fat blob? You totally agree with the Narrator.
You accept yourself unconditionally because you are the decider. You actually can choose to do that. Honestly, you can!
You can choose to accept yourself on the condition that you diet and lose fifty pounds. Sure you want to be svelte, but it makes no sense to accept yourself on that condition. Or any condition. Why place conditions on whether or not you accept yourself? All you need to do is accept yourself. You have that right. You have that power. You need not place conditions on accepting yourself. You can accept yourself on death row with a cold-blooded murder sentence.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance
So you make the choice to accept yourself unconditionally. Easier than you thought. Then two minutes later, at most, your Narrator calls you a fat hairy pig. No one likes a fat hairy pig! (Are there such animals?) There you are right back to square one. Maybe even back a square or two from there.
If you don’t have a therapist or friend who accepts you unconditionally and is at your beck and call 24/7, be your own therapist. You need a collection of accessible rational-emotive self-talk scripts to counter your Narrator’s vile put-downs. You need to learn to make your own scripts. You use them to counsel yourself. You counsel yourself with on-demand REST counseling that will get you through even the worst of times.
The Narrator’s incessant chatter may likely drone on. That is why Attention Therapies need to be an ongoing basic part of your arsenal. You don’t try to shut the Narrator up. Trying to shut the Narrator up requires focusing on its negative chatter. You want to be as about as aware of its chatter as you are of passing clouds. Insight Meditation will be especially helpful, as well as Ki Breathing Meditation.
Reading a book does nothing. You will not change. Nothing will happen. It is not a one-shot affair. If you keep at it over time, though, bit by bit you will think more rationally. Over the years you will see tremendous change. You will learn to function rationally in this totally irrational world.
I co-authored a book in Japanese (I lived in Japan for twenty-five years) called Scripting Your Mind with REST, Rational-Emotive Self-Talk. Now I will begin to post both scripts and format for making scripts on my blog.
I am 80 years old, so it gives me both inspiration and anxiety. I need to stay healthy and focused and carry this project all the way through.
I eat well and exercise regularly, so for me, the hard part is staying focused. I love learning and an email from the Smithsonian Institute or Science blog captures my mind with the tap of a key. I will do my best, however, but I will accept myself on days I focus on this project and days I goof. I will walk my talk!
Self-help books that help:
Total Self-Renewal through Attention Therapies and Open Focus
The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body
