Eye-Contact Phobia
For many years I suffered from eye-contact phobia. Specifically, I was not able to look into both eyes at once. I had to choose one or the other. Since I was afraid this might look too weird, I tried focusing on the nose. Then again, I thought this might be even weirder.
I was also afraid that someone might be able to look into my eyes and see what I was feeling. Maybe I was attracted to the person or hated them. More than that I feared they could detect my confusion. Anxiety flowed through my veins. I wanted to shield my eyes with mirrored glasses, though that in itself would have been a huge even laughable giveaway.
Recently, I came across a research paper, Sonya Babar. (2010), “Eye Dominance and the Mechanisms of Eye Contact,” Journal of AAPOS 14: 52–57. Neuroscientist Babar found that when we look at somebody’s face, we shift our gaze between our partner’s eyes, seeking the best eye contact. The eye we settle on at any given time tends to be the mirror image of the eye chosen by our partner.
For instance, if we sense that our partner’s eyes are focused on our right eye, we reflexively respond by shifting our gaze to their left eye. This joint shifting of gaze is perceived as proper eye contact. If however, a partner looks at our right eye as we look at their right eye, both of us will usually sense a break in eye contact or lack of attention.
Eye contact is a science. Had I known back then, I could have worked at it as such, instead of thinking I was nuts. Actually, I was nuts, but the point is therapy lags behind science and both the therapist and client had best be aware.
Cognitive Attention Syndrome (CAS)
Adrian Wells calls such unhelpful patterns of thinking – worry, fixation, and rumination – Cognitive Attention Syndrome (CAS). Open Focus and Attention Therapy are effective in overcoming the narrow focus of CAS.
Rather than allow harmful patterns of thinking to determine our focus, we flexibly choose and shift. Sometimes we focus on the foreground, sometimes on the background, shifting freely back and forth and creating relaxed alpha brain waves. In this flexible way, we relieve rigid narrow focus and rumination.
A good reader takes in sentences and paragraphs. The focus is not on letters and words, but active involvement with content and message. Focus shifts and adapts to content and message. With a good book you are absorbed, involved, and unaware of the physical act of reading.
Attention Therapy and Open-Focus Training
We need to learn how to shift out of the obsessive left-hemisphere focus. We do this by learning to shift awareness through Open Focus and Attention Training Therapy. With Attention-Training Therapy we practice shifting focus among a range of sounds emanating from different locations and directions. With Open-Focus Training we learn to shift from foreground to background, between narrow and diffuse and absorbed and objective focus. And we learn to focus on the space between things to shift into alpha brain processing.
Eye-Contact Phobia Therapy Video
Self-help books that help:
Total Self-Renewal through Attention Therapies and Open Focus(Sample Chapters)
The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body
