Just a Lot of Platitudes?
If you are into mindfulness, you can’t stray far from advice concerning gratitude.
“I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself.” Oprah Winfrey Photo: David Johnson
Saying I’m grateful doesn’t mean much when I am bitter about my abusive childhood. Even if I leave my childhood somewhat behind, I am not the warm, tender, caring and loving man I would choose to be.
For most of my life I’ve dealt with uncontrollable rage and violence. Amazingly I was able to stay out of prison, though I came close too often. I’ve been in domestic counseling and through the gamut psychiatric drugs. Thankfully, Prozac, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), finally helped control violence.
But how can I wake up each morning and attest to my gratefulness? I am ungrateful when I look at the fading snapshot of the warm, unrequited loving boy. “Do you love me?” he questioned, and his mother dispassionately responded, “Yes.” At five or six years old, he heard, “No.”
The Research
Some studies show gratitude reduces stress, increases productive sleep, positive feelings and emotions, helps deal with adversity, and improves relationships.
University of California’s Berkeley Greater Good Science Center lists benefits including a stronger immune system, lowered blood pressure, higher levels of positive emotions, acting with generosity and compassion, and feeling less lonely and isolated. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/expandinggratitude
Harvard University Medical School’s Harvard Health Publications offers suggestions including to writing thank-you notes, thank someone mentally, keep a gratitude journal, pray, and meditate. “Although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.” http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/in-praise-of-gratitude
I would feel foolish writing a thank-you note, keeping a gratitude journal, or even thanking someone mentally. Prayer and meditation help, though not much with gratitude.
How Did I Go About Cultivating Gratitude?
I read “Mr. Smith Goes to Prison,” by Jeff Smith, a state senator before his downfall. And I watched the ten-part documentary, “Making of a Murderer.” Steven Avery spent eighteen years sitting in a cell for a crime he did not commit. And he is back is prison now for a crime I believe he did not commit.
Jeff Smith learned to have gratitude from his prison stay. He learned what truly matters and what truly does not matter.
After reading Smith’s book and watching the Making of a Murderer documentary, one night as I lay in bed, I thought, I am free to lie in bed on my cozy futon with flannel sheets and a toasty quilt. I am fortunate to not be in prison.When I have a toothache, I call and get access to dental care and the same with medical problems. I have a cat that gives me prrrrr therapy throughout the day and night when I am in need of it. I am not at the mercy of a masochistic prison guard.
It took me 80 years, but gratitude is from the heart. I appreciate the basic comforts of life. I eat every meal mindfully and am grateful for every meal I eat.
I cannot feel gratitude and be bitter at the same time.
I would never have come to this gratefulness if it weren’t for the miserable start. Now, nearing the end of life, in a sense I am grateful for it all.
Self-help books that help:
Total Self-Renewal through Attention Therapies and Open Focus
The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body
